Monday, March 21, 2016

Infertility- They Said What?!

Be warned...I'm about to get real.  As I write about infertility my hope and prayer is to expose you to the real gut pain that is happening to so many couples.  I can only share with you my experience, but my prayer is that if you are currently in the middle of infertility you can find hope in that you are not alone.  If you are just reading this blog, my prayer is that your heart becomes more tender to the pain of infertility.

People mean well. They really do.  But even well meaning people say stupid stuff sometimes.  I know I have said stupid stuff and now cringe when I think of what came out...Yikes!

When you are dealing with infertility people say dumb stuff.  You often hear, "When are you going to have kids?"  A very well meaning and fairly normal question. But to someone who struggles with infertility, it is like a dagger to the heart.  Why?  Because infertility is often on your mind, children are on your mind, you see pregnant women everywhere you go, and YOU CAN'T HAVE KIDS!  So although it is a very gentle question, the pain and hurt of everything you are walking with resurfaces and your heart hurts.

To those of you who ask those questions, it's ok.  You are not in the wrong, you are a very caring person.  Just be aware and sensitive to those who are struggling with infertility.  For those of you who are struggling with infertility, remember these people are not out to get you.  They actually care for you and they are speaking out of love.

Then you just have the rude mean people.  And to those people I say, steer clear.  Here are the two of dumbest things said to me while in the midst of the pain of infertility.

"When are you going to stop being selfish and have kids already?"
This was said to me at a restaurant with my husband, our friends and their children.  My friends' eyes opened wide and they stared at me.  All that went through my head is the coined phrase that was my polite way of saying "BACK OFF!"  That line, "When God provides."  I offered a fake smile, excused myself and cried.  Dumb words, right?

"Guess what Janelle, I'm pregnant and it only took me 3 weeks!"
This was said to me while I was at church ministering to high school students.  A fellow leader (she was well aware of all of the heart ache I was experiencing) said this to me at the beginning of youth group.  Needless to say, I was done for the night.  I offered her the fake smile and said, "Oh that is so great! Congrats!"  Then I excused myself, ran to the bathroom and cried.

I know, right?!  Who says that?  

It's ok to cry.  It's ok to get mad and frustrated.  But don't live there.  If you live there, that is when bitterness, self-pitty and whole bunch of ugliness settles in.  And it ain't never good to live there!

So in the midst of these dumb comments, find a phrase you can pull out of your back pocket when you are in shock!  Deal with the pain of that comment, but then also move forward.

It's also ok to laugh at the sheer ridiculous nature of some of the dumb comments you get. If you can find humor and laughter in the midst of this, laugh, it will only help.

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