As of Friday, I had nothing planned for my speaking. It wasn't as if I had procrastinated, I just never had the time to prepare. So of course on Friday I had a meltdown.
- I was getting ready for a weekend retreat,
- teaching youth class on Sunday,
- Beginning small groups on Sunday night
- and leaving Wednesday AM for India.
When was I going to prepare? I need to pack,
- clean
- do laundry
- mow the lawn
- take the car in
- and all of those other pre-trip things.
So, I freaked out. I took some time away from the retreat on Saturday and had a sit down with God. The following is my journal entry.
"God, I ask for clarity on what to speak about in India. I give this talk to you and I pray you will calm me. Give me a fresh perspective. I trust in you for the plans which lay ahead. GUIDE ME. I trust you implicityly. I know your words are perfect. I know you will teach me as you taught Moses. He was slow of speech and had problems communicating much like I do. You understand that I struggle getting the thoughts in my brain to formulate words and come out of my mouth. You know I often get frustrated and confused. But unlike Moses, I will take your challenge. I will speak on your behalf. I will trust that you will fill in the gaps where I lack. I trust you will speak Bengali ro Hindi or a tribal language on my behalf. I trust you will calm this anxious heart. You WILL guid me. Yet again, I TRUST! ~Love your prized posession, Janelle"
Afterwards, I felt more relaxed and God said, "just take it one step at a time". It was absolutely amazing, as soon as I finished one point, the next one was right there. Each day flowed into the next. I think God just wanted me to relax, breathe and say, "ok I need you". He often does that.
So. God is good. People are great (thanks for praying). Off we go!
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